Why Am I Covered in Feathers?
by sharpie x3
Summary: Oneshot. Edward's having a bachelor party, but when Alice sees a stripper in a vision, she decides to put it in Bella's hands.


**Author's Note:** I was looking at the Breaking Dawn quotes of the day and found this quote and made a joke about it, so I'm writing it since alexz1jude forced me too. (She's violent.)

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**Why Am I Covered in Feathers?**

"Alice, would you like anything to eat?" Charlie asked from the dinner table, oblivious to Alice's face—_the_ face.

While I secretly wanted to know what she saw, I changed the subject with Charlie to divert his attention away from her but was interrupted by a snort from the couch. I looked over at Alice's tiny figure sitting there just before she abruptly jumped off the furniture.

"Bella, we have to go," she chirped. Instantly, fear wrapped itself around me. The vision could not have been good, and I was desperate to find out what the verdict was.

"But Bella, you have to finish eating," Charlie called from behind us as we practically sprinted out the door.

"Sorry dad, I'm not that hungry now." The last thing I saw of him before shutting the door was his shaking of his head. "What happened?" I hammered my small yet highly dangerous friend.

She ignored me and muttered more to herself than me, "I have to get Rosalie."

"Oh no, what happened? Is Edward hurt? Is it that bad?"

"What?" Alice startled. "I'm afraid so," she added darkly while taking out her cell phone and dialing at vampire speed and turned away from me so I could barely hear her words as she also spoke much faster than normal. All I understood were yeses and something to do with a situation. Within in a minute, the call was over and we were in her car. When we reached Rosalie at the Cullen's house in less than five minutes, we sped up once more.

"Where are we going?" I asked as we slowed down in front of a large building.

Alice grinned. "Right here," she said as she got out of the car. Either some newborn was let loose here or I misunderstood Alice. Either way, I was confused.

"Why are we at a department store?" I felt stupid asking.

Rosalie chose to answer, "Because there were no designer stores nearby."

I still didn't get it, and it was obvious. Wasn't Edward hurt? What did stores have to do with it? "Wait, what?"

Alice sighed, "Just come on." I didn't put up a fight as she dragged me into the store. However, I did when she took me to the lingerie section.

"What are we doing in this section?" I nearly screeched.

Rosalie snorted as she walked away from us, headed into another direction.

Alice shushed me, as people were now staring. "You are full of too many questions today." She eyed the racks before handing me several items and pushing me into the dressing room.

What I did next could only be considered as whining as I took a closer look at the clothes, or rather lack of. "Why do I have to try these on?" She didn't answer, so I continued. "I won't wear these. What is this for?" In my hands was a rather short magenta and black mostly see-through slip. _It gets worse_, I thought as I looked at the tag and read "Sexy Little Things."

"Just try it on Bella! Don't test me," the little pixie screamed, agitated. It frightened me, but I still tested the waters.

"Tell me why!" I practically shouted loud enough for the whole store to hear.

Because of that, in no time at all Alice had found a way into my dressing room. "Bella, humor me and just do it." I suppressed my thought that Edward would use that line, not Alice.

I talked slowly as to not yell, "What was your vision before?"

"Do you really want to know?" I nodded, and she finally gave me the answer for which I had been waiting. "You know how Edward's having his bachelor party tonight?" I nodded again, expecting the worst. "Well, someone decided to go against your wishes and hired a stripper." My mouth gaped open, but Alice never stopped. "So you're going to stop that other whore from coming."

Immediately, I didn't know what to think. I had trusted Edward, but I didn't know anymore. Jealous Bella was back.

"Bella, are you alright?" My future sister-in-law asked, unsure. In response, I merely pushed her out of my changing room and tried on the damn lingerie set. I didn't even have to show it off for Alice as she saw it as a vision. "Of course, that looks great!" She squealed. A sly smile managed to make its way on my face.

Within a minute, something feathery was pushed through my curtain, and I realized it was Rosalie that had handed it to me. I dumbly stared at it for a moment as I put it around my neck.

"Why am I covered in feathers?"

"Good question," Alice muttered.

I could practically picture Rosalie shrugging as she said, "Let's get out of here. We've got everything we need, right?"

"I guess so," Alice voiced. "Bella, you can get dressed now. I think that's it now."

After I was fully clothed, I stepped out, and we all left the store with my one bag in hand.

The car ride back to Forks was pleasant as we all got along, and Alice and Rosalie played with the radio and sang along to some upbeat songs.

Towards the end though, it got awkward. I was nervous about what I was going to have to do. "When am I going to, um, you know, change?" I stuttered.

Rosalie grinned as the car came to a halt in front of the Cullen household. "Right now."

For the second time that day, my mouth flew open. "Isn't Edward here though? Won't he be able to know?"

"Bella, Bella, Bella, you didn't think we'd be stupid enough to let that happen to you? We have everything all covered. They're all out for some 'dinner,'" Alice pointed out, "And we'll help with the transformation of innocent Bella to irresistible Bella."

I could only nod as they dragged me at vampire speed to Alice's room where the work—or magic as Alice likes to call it—was done. While in the process she said something like, "No one will dare to call you plain when I'm through with you."

I couldn't help myself when I replied, "Only because they're afraid you'll suck their blood."

In twenty minutes, everything was done. Throughout the whole time I couldn't look in the mirror, but when I did, I barely recognized myself.

"Wow guys, who is that?"

Alice was jumping up in excitement. "That's you Bella! You look gorgeous!"

"Thanks," I practically screeched as I instinctively hugged Alice and Rosalie. I froze for a minute, wondering what Rosalie would do, but surprisingly, she loosened up and hugged me back.

"Alright, sorry to end this, but they're going to be here in three minutes, so Rose and I have to skedaddle." She lowered her voice as she continued, "But here's what you have to do. In five minutes, walk quietly to Edward's room where they'll be. Make sure you don't fall, because they're going to know you're there. The rest, my friend, is up to you."

I frowned a bit, not exactly sure of what I was going to do. "Gee thanks."

"Remember Bella, you're fighting for the attention of your man," Rosalie called back to me as they deserted me. Surprisingly, I was instantly encouraged.

_T minus three minutes and 30 seconds,_ I thought as I waited. And then I heard their voices, especially Emmett's booming one. I couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but I could understand their laughs.

Within no time, I started walking quietly towards Edward's room as the voices got louder. I concentrated on not tripping, but of course I had to fall right outside his door. It wasn't too loud, but loud enough for vampire ears. I closed my eyes, not quite ready to accept my failure.

The door opened, and I heard _his_ surprised voice. "What are you doing Bella?" He must have taken a closer look at me when I opened my eyes and I saw his golden ones widen. "And what are you wearing?" He closed the door after noticing my outfit, but not quickly enough to stop me from discerning my future family members in his room, Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle. With board games. _Board games_. _They were playing board games, and Carlisle was right there. They all saw me._

There was no doubt about it, I was going to die.

My cheeks were burning as I sheepishly said, "Hi."

Someone opened the door a bit and passed Edward some clothes, which he dressed me in, as if I were a little kid.

"Bella, humor me and please tell me what your plan was," he sounded exhausted.

If it was possible, I blushed even more profusely. I wanted to hide inside of his sweatshirt that was now on me. "Um, Alice saw that, um, there would be a stripper, and…"

"A stripper? But I promised you there wouldn't be one."

I was almost in hysterics by now. Everything had been too much for me. "Exactly. I wanted to trust you, but Alice gave me reason otherwise."

He pressed his lips against mine to stop me. "You can trust me. You know you can. There was never going to be a stripper because I never want to see anyone but you."

I smiled, and then frowned. Had Alice lied? "Then why did Alice--?"

"Judging by what I'm hearing now from the other side of the door, Emmett had something to do with it."

That vampire is so dead.

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**Author's Note:** So I don't like the ending much, but review please.


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